I know, everyone says that. They're so important that everyone should celebrate their birthday or (more likely), people just don't want to work on their birthday. I'm sure I'd feel the same way if I understood what "work" was and why people didn't want to go there. My granny tried to explain it to me, but I just didn't understand. Something about getting up and putting on make up and leaving the house. All quite a puzzle to me really.
Is it related to the band who sings "Down Under"?
Anyway, my birthday really should be a national holiday, possibly and international holiday. Not because of myself, but because it is the anniversary of the moon landing.
July 20, 1969
This year will be the 44th anniversary of the day human beings first stepped on to another planet. It wasn't the first exploration into space…
Dogs and chimps beat humans to it
…but it is the day humans walked where no human has walked before. And that's important. It's an important day in human history and we all should be celebrating it. Not necessarily with cake like I am...
Ice cream and pandas, of course
but possibly with bottle rockets.
There's no occasion that can't be made better with fireworks
So Happy Birthday to myself and Congratulations Humanity for taking that one big step for mankind!
Sabrina was saying goodbye to Abu Dhabi and returning to her life in Arizona where her house, dogs, and family were waiting. Since then, Sabrina (known heretofore as "Calamity Sabrina") has gone through a lot of trials and tribulations to come to where we are now. Those will be dealt with in future installments. Today, Too Darn Hot presents a small humorous post.
I have really, ridiculously long hair.* I almost always have. It's thick, brown, shiny, and abundant. And I like it that way. Even though I keep it pulled back and up 95-99% of the time, I still love it. Even though I started pulling out gray hairs in the past year, I still love it. Sure, I may be boring, and won't be dying my hair purple (because dye won't stick to my slick, healthy strands), but I still love it.
My hair and the desert at sunrise
Despite that, I occasionally have crazy ideas about my hair. Insane, impulsive ideas, that should be slapped out of my silly head before I go through with them. I dyed my hair black in high school.
Doesn't everyone?
However, I am surrounded by people who either love impulsive ideas (Hi Auntie Cathy!) or pretty much let me do whatever I like (Hi Husband!). So last month when I had the brilliant idea to perm my hair, no one even questioned the idea.
My little sister is a licensed cosmetologist, and I spent all of June in Houston, so when I had the brilliant idea to perm my hair, I had a professional on hand to make my hair dreams come true, and all it cost me was the supplies and some babysitting (Hi Shaeleb!).
As time in Houston slipped by, I still held on to the idea I wanted a curly perm. I was reading The Troy Game series at the time, and all the strong female characters in those books have long, abundant hair that tumbles in loose curls to brush their waists. I wanted that.
Yes, I wanted cartoon Princess hair.
I didn't get that. My hair likes change as much as I do, as in, not at all. My sister labored for three hours in the middle of the night to perfectly roll my hair, using a piggy-back method. I still don't know what that means or what she was doing.
Is it hair origami?
After all her hard work, my hair rebelled. After the first wash I had some nice small loose curls. After the second, I had some frizzy waves. After the third, a matted mess at the base of my head, and after the fourth my hair is pretty much the same as it was before, although not as smooth. Perms break the hair's structure. My sister told me that and it still didn't scare me enough to change my mind.
Oh well. Enough deep conditioning and a couple more months, I won't be able to see the difference. You won't be able to see the difference now.
*Not as long as my cousin Elizabeth, but mine is totally thicker.
I know, it's been a while since I've written anything, but I think I deserve a little break considering I just moved 7000 miles and was dropped back into my old life, with the additional challenge that I don't want to be the super depressed person I was before I left. So I've been keeping busy, but I got an email recently that I just had to share.
Spam filters work so well that it is rare that such an exquisite example of the genre (Spam email) manages to land in my Inbox where I'll actually look at the text. I usually just skim the subject lines in the Junk folder and then trash it all. This email, from my good friend Adriana. I know she's a good friend because she continually refers to me by my pet name of Babe*, rather than my real name.
It begins:
BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?
I've been well, Adriana, and yourself? By the way, I don't remember you. Could you remind me where we met again?
In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..
I know about cousins. They are the craziest, amirite? All trying to talk to you because you're related and live nearby. It's super-annoying. Pray, go on…
I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...
Yes, I probably did tell you you were attractive. I hate it when women get down on themselves. Be proud of who you are, Adriana! I'm not going to help you move though, mostly because you're not a real person, but that's neither here nor there.
we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..
OH! We only chatted a couple of times, and that's why I don't remember you. And now you're single, 23, and love absolutely everything? I know just the person for you! Unfortunately, I myself am not available, being a happily married woman of 30, but I'm sure we can work something out.
do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out on me..
I'm prepared for anything at this point, Adriana. I'm going to guess you're a gas station attendendant? No, that would require some mathematics, and you don't appear to have had any but the most basic schooling. I'm tired of this game, just tell me.
i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..
Oh, dear, I think you've already run into trouble, my friend Adriana. You are a webcam stripper who cannot seem to use a computer properly. That's problematic in your line of work. And now you're single you don't have a masculine presence to keep you grounded and fix your computer. Tragic, really. How can I help?
ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...
Hmm…the offer of chatting with you for free on a webcam would be tempting, but apparently we're already Facebook friends? So why would I need to do that? Unless you're having some kind of skin issue that you'd like me to take a look at: suspicious moles, rashes, lice, etc. Then it would make sense. But remember, I'm not a doctor, I'm a random internet person. You might want to see a professional. A medical professional, not a professional webcam actress like yourself.
if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST U...
Your trust is not misplaced, I solemnly swear never to share the password with anyone.
im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move.. also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now..
Annoyed? On the contrary! I'm absolutely delighted with your email! The content, the grammar, the spelling errors to fool my spam filter, it's a work of brilliance that has brightened my day.
im gonna go start work.. i really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me now days..
You're not on Facebook anymore, Adriana? That's disappointing. But it does explain why you are so insistent that I check out your webcam.
if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now..
It takes you 2-3 weeks to reply to an email? That's positively rude, not to mention inefficient. Perhaps you'd benefit from hiring a secretary to handle your correspondence.
but im hopign to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha
It seems we must have had a miscommunication somewhere, Adriana (although how that's possible is beyond me, you are most eloquent in your correspondence). I do not possess any balls that you would want to kick or lick. I don't even own a kickball. Well, perhaps we can work something out anyway. You seem….flexible?
..k babe im out for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana
XOXO to you to Adriana. You are the SpamBot of my dreams.
This morning I walked in a fog to the grocery store, to buy medicine you can't get over the counter in the US, and spices.
A literal fog, not the brain kind.
We've visited our favorite restaurants, had drinks with our friends who are left here, our visas are officially cancelled, and everything is packed.
After a grueling game of "Will it fit?"
I've said goodbye to several people here, and they always seem to be a little sad to be leaving. There's a melancholy associated with leaving this place. I don't seem to have that.
Although I will miss this.
Instead, I've been in kind of suspended animation, just waiting. There's only ten hours left to wait until it's time to leave for the airport. I guess I could sleep some of those hours, but I wouldn't want to spoil sleep-appetite before the flight. I keep trying to look ahead at what I'll be doing when I'm back home, but there's only so much planning one can do, and there are some things one shouldn't buy over the internet.
"FOR SALE, GOOD CONDITION!!"
So this is my last post from Abu Dhabi. I'll still keep blogging, and since we're going back to Arizona I don't even have to change the name. If we were going to North Dakota or Colorado, I'd have had to change it to "It's F*cking Freezing!" and that doesn't have the fun double entendre, and Cole Porter never wrote that song.
Nope, doesn't make me want to sing. OK, maybe a little bit of White Christmas, but that's it, I swear.
Every time there is an article or blog post about airline travel there are a few topics that always come up. People seem to get really worked up about these topics, so I thought I'd write down a few of my thoughts on the subjects.
"People don't dress up for travel anymore. Our society is crumbling because people refuse to put on real pants for a flight!"
I am one of those people who doesn't put on real pants for a flight. There are a couple of reasons I dress in yoga pants and a loose (sometimes sleeveless) shirt.
1. No metal
I have never had to go through a metal detector twice or been singled out for secondary screening. I just don't have anything on my body that sets off any alarms. Literally, the only metal on my body when I walk through there is the hook and eye on my brassiere, and only because I am not going to wear a sports bra when I don't have to.
2. It's no longer the 1960s
Flying is terrible. I mean, it's amazing that one can travel so far in such a short period of time and is a pretty amazing scientific feat. But it's also terrible: small spaces, weird smells, it's always the wrong temperature, and everyone is annoyed they had to take off their shoes or wait for the people who are trying to haul everything as a carry-on to save time or money.
Flying is also really hard on my body and can cause me severe pain (I'll address this further in a moment) so I need to be wearing something that I can constantly adjust my position, especially on long international flights.
So to those people who think I ought to be "properly" dressed up for a flight: forget it. You're out-numbered. Now get back in line and quit your bitchin'.
The good ole days, amirite?
"Only terrible people recline their seats! If you recline your seat in front of me, I will spend the rest of the flight with my knees pressed against your back so we both won't be comfortable!"
I have encountered this comment on the internet and the behavior in real life. It's annoying. I know, having a seat reclined in front of you isn't great, but seriously, getting worked up about it is pointless. You don't get to decide if those extra inches of recline make me more comfortable or not, and comfort on a flight is, in my opinion, more important than the person behind me having the optimum viewing position for their laptop or be able to pull the bag out from under their seat 20 times an hour. So, when I get on my flight back to the States in a couple weeks, I'm going to recline that seat all the way back after dinner is served, and keep it that way until breakfast is served. And nothing is going to stop me, except a broken seat. See, I have tailbone problems.
A literal pain in the ass
Sitting on that plane seat is torture for me. I will get up and walk around, I will do stretches in the bulkhead, I will walk up and down the aisles for as long as possible, but I will still be in so much pain when I get off that flight I might be crying. It's awful, and I try to minimize it by piling pillows in the crook of the seat and putting my feet up on my under the seat luggage. So, to all the people out there who think people who recline their seats are douchebags, terrible, jerks, etc., and deserve a knee in the back, remember: everyone is different, you suck, and if you hate it so much, perhaps you should ask the person in front of you not to recline instead of being passive-aggressive and ruining the flight for both of us. A young woman kneed me in the back for a few hours on a 10 hour flight once, and then she had to readjust her position or something, and she stopped. I believe she realized she was hurting herself more than anyone. Not me, I can use the extra lumbar support. Thanks angry person!
"I don't fly at all anymore unless I have to because of the TSA!"
I do kind of agree with this, in theory. Domestic American air-travel is pretty bad and the extra security just makes it worse. The TSA treats you like an animal, the airline considers people living cargo, and OH HELL THE FLIGHT FROM CHICAGO TO PHOENIX IS GOING TO BE TERRIBLE!
Maybe I should hitchhike
Sorry for the outburst, but four hours on a flight with no food, old seats, no movie, and last time they didn't even have a drink service because the toilet in cattle class was broken and they wanted to keep the intrusions into the first class cabin to a minimum.
The security theater provided by the TSA needs to stop, yes. It's a waste of resources and doesn't work. But no politician is going to commit career suicide by saying so at this point in time. Maybe in 50 years or so, we can think about letting people bring bottled water through security again. But until then, boycotting air travel isn't going to change anything, so I'm going to keep flying, mostly because it saves time, although driving can be a nice adventure. You might even meet Kai, the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker!
I almost never go to Starbucks. If I need to kill some time somewhere with free wifi there are better coffee shops here, with fancy French pastries and cream teas and such. But Starbucks is the coffee shop everywhere in the states, and when I'm with my sister we drive through there. They have a beverage with green coffee extract, which has enough caffeine in it for me to actually feel it. I might have a bit of a tolerance. Well, this Refreshers TM drink contains the aforementioned green coffee extract. I guess I'm a little out of the loop, because I had no idea that green coffee extract is touted as a weight loss miracle (thanks, Dr. Oz). It makes me like the Refresher TM less. Let me clarify that I like the lime flavor, not the berry hibiscus. Hibiscus are decorative and do not taste good.
Anyway, I thought calling caffeine a weight loss miracle was old school and went out of style when Dexatrim did. I guess this is just evidence that there are no new ways to diet, humans just keep recycling the same ones over and over. Low-carb dieting was first introduced in the 1800s and keeps getting repackaged and resold. So please, just use your secondhand version of Atkins if you must and stop handing forkfuls of cash to new "experts". All their good recipes are online anyway.
OK, now that everyone has hair-band Europe's greatest (only) song stuck in your head, it's time to reveal that this post is about how I am acting in my last few weeks in Abu Dhabi. Dan and I will be back in our little house in Phoenix on March 16, just in time for St. Patrick's Day and the tail end of Cadbury Creme Egg season. In these last few weeks, Dan and are melancholy about all the things we've come to know and love...
Nah, we have effectively clocked out of the real world and are already living in Phoenix through the power of the Internet. Dan has ordered a car, we have phones and carriers picked out, and I know exactly what I'm going to buy my first trip to the grocery store (seeded rye bread and sliced ham).
Contrast that to my purchases today. Instead of making a list and buying practical things we could eat, I bought pretty much whatever sounded good and that won't be available in the States. Thus, in no particular order:
Coke (with real sugar)
Flavoured water "A hint of mint and lemon" (also with real sugar)
A hollow chocolate egg with two Cadbury Creme Eggs inside, imported from the UK)
Baked cheese crackers from Australia
Berries and Cherries Muesli
Cherry Passion Fruit Tic Tacs
Fresh sliced pineapple (no extra charge for the slicing)
Frubes (Yogurt tubes with Otter pop-tyle characters)
Not Pictured: Minced beef, ground while I watched
I also bought a sari, because I'd been thinking about for a while so I figured what the hell, and went to the cheap department store and bought one. I could have taken it home today, but the blouse has to be custom-made to fit my sizable chest.
"Those girls couldn't drown."
It will be done next Wednesday (Inshallah). I did not pay in advance.
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