Hot Pockets: Angry Post!

Dan and I recently cancelled our contracts with Sprint because their coverage sucked.

Harder than a Dyson

I could only make a phone call from the kitchen and forget about using the internet anywhere you didn't have wifi. So we called it quits and went back to T-Mobile, and now we're happy pandas!

With new phones!

But we're trying to sell our phones on Craigslist. I keep getting nibbles, but no bites, until this morning. Someone texted me that they were interested in buying my iPhone. We spoke on the phone. He wanted to meet at the Sprint store, I agreed. It's a reasonable precaution.

Well, me and my bike went the three miles to the store and at the minute we were supposed to meet, after turning down two other offers, I get a messages saying his wife already bought a phone. So, to that guy, Eric. Here's a song for you:

I hope you and your wife and your damn dirty lies have fun with your probably stolen phone. You know why my phone is listed at that price? Because it does have a clean ESN, and I didn't rip off a poor person needing cash fast to get it so I could resell it at a profit. Your wife's new phone is coated in the tears of someone desperate. Fuck you.

Obligatory Post About How Much Daylight Savings Time Sucks

Daylight Savings Time sucks. And I live in a state that doesn't even use it. Use it? Practice it? Throw themselves on a large spike rather than deal with it again, but then do because otherwise their kids would be late (early?) for school? I don't even know, because I've lived my formative years and most of my adulthood in Arizona, and we just don't go there.

I don't know why we don't go there.  That's just not how we roll.

This is how AZ rolls.

So we don't practice DST, but we still have to deal with it, because everybody else in the USA does.

Correction from Hawaii: Continental USA

Do other countries use it? I don't know, and I'm not going to bother looking it up. The less I know about DST, the better.

So here's everything I think I know about DST:
It was invented by Ben Franklin

Maybe?

At some point it was helpful for farmers or school kids or somebody, but it really isn't anymore because we have electricity

Which Hugh Jackman used for evil

Leap Forward and Fall Back

At least the hoes are excited.

It changed what time all my TV shows are on

This last is really the part that affects me most. I am an insomniac. Hopelessly, chronically sleepless. When I was in Abu Dhabi, I didn't have any sleep aids. Ambien is unheard of, melatonin is banned, and valerian root doesn't really work for me. I was recommended the tea version of valerian root, but fuck that noise (see previous blog post).

So in order to combat my chronic insomnia, I did all those things that health articles tell you to do. I exercised in the mid-late afternoon.

Praise Allah for in-building gym rooms!

…and I abided by a very strict nighttime regimen, which I still try and keep to, so I am not tempted to go hardcore with my sleeping meds again.

9:00pm: Floss and brush teeth
9:10pm: In bed, reading. Internet off
10:15-10:30pm: Lights out, no backsies

Not even Mary would argue with that.

Now that I'm back at home, I have at TV in my bedroom. This is not approved by the health articles, but I'm a rebel. I turn on the TV, read until I start getting drowsy, then watch American Dad until I drift off. Dan turns off the TV when he comes to bed.

Here's where DST has messed with my head: ADULT SWIM STARTS AN HOUR LATER!

<Cue Dramatic Music>

So, everyone bitching about DST and how the change is so hard, I'm with you. And I'll even try and one-up you by saying I have to change my whole schedule for six months (Five? Four? I don't know). I'm staying up later, but still getting up at the same time. Less sleep at night= Longer nap in the late morning= Less done during the day=

Sad Panda

That's right, insomnia and depression go hand-in-hand, like catsup* and mustard.

Or if you're in Utah, fry sauce.

So what am I to do? Honestly, I don't know. I'm going to one of those crazy states that uses DST in about a week, and then on a Caribbean cruise, and my strict nighttime regimen will go to the dog (and we know how well she handles things). For the time being, this long-form essay of complaining will have to suffice.

*Editor's Note: The boss says quote: "Fuck cats-up, Heinz is the only kind of ketchup there is."

Too Darn Hot

I hate hot beverages.

I know that's a pretty broad statement to make, and so of course there are exceptions, but pretty universally, I despise putting warm liquid in my mouth.

Cocoa gets a pass because of the whipped cream

And I hate coffee. Really, I just can't stand it. Even a hint of coffee flavor and my taste buds bug out quicker than a MASH unit.

Definitely quicker than the 4077

I say this even though I've had approximately 4 bajillion cups of hot green tea today in an effort to stop the horrible pain in my throat, I didn't enjoy a single one.

I did enjoy using my unicorn tapestry mug though.

At first it's too hot. Too, too hot, and it's a danger to my tongue. Then there is a brief window where it's cool enough not to burn my tongue, but still hot enough to scald the surface of my tonsils, which is what soothes it.

Maybe it's time to let someone try some backyard surgery on me. I've been looking for a reason to buy a plasma torch.

Science just hasn't made enough progress on the lightsaber

.

Perhaps as a denizen of the desert, hot beverages are just something I don't understand, like heated seats or floors.

And what's up with tire chains?

I mean, it's November, and my air conditioner is still coming on to keep the house below 80 degrees in the afternoons. So what do I drink? Cold, unsweetened tea. Most people would use the term iced tea, but since I don't use ice it seems inaccurate. This penchant for unsweetened iced tea might be genetic: apparently dinner with my great-grandfather was punctuated by him tossing ice cubes into your glass of Lipton tea. Sweet tea is an abomination. Don't make me think about it anymore, I'm not feeling well as it is.

I used to be a Coke fiend. Truth be told, I still am, but I was terribly spoiled by Arabian Coke and it's cane sugar. Plus, I like being healthier.

Nope, that's a lie. I like being skinnier.

So I drink Coke sparingly. There's no better cure for migraine nausea than an ice-cold Coke with a straw.  I'm also partial to pineapple juice.

Some of your might ask: But Sabrina, what do you use as a mixer when you're drinking?

Good question!

I don't. I've grown up enough to realize that liquor gives me migraines while beer and wine do not.  I have not grown up enough to put my foot down when liquor is to the only option. (See Halloween Exploits for details). Maybe next decade.

Anyway, I've mostly made the switch to hard apple cider or white wine.

Gluten Free! Just look for the box that reminds you of The Wizard of Oz.

And what do I usually use mugs for?

Winter is no longer coming: it's here!