I'm too sexy for this country...

So today isn't a good day.  It's not a bad day, there's nothing really horrible about, but I'm not feeling too well (migraine/cold/medicine change combination), and I had to go to the grocery store, because that's where food comes from. 

They deliver everything else here, even Burger King, but I have to go buy my own apples.

So not feeling very well, I just kind of threw on some clothes (jeans and a gray v-neck t-shirt), ran a brush through my hair enough to get it into a pony tail held up with my most elegant scrunchie (maroon velour with satin edging and gold polka dots).  It's these days, when I put the least amount of effort into how I look that I seem to attract the most male attention.

I did my grocery shopping, then headed to Baskin-Robbin's for ice cream.  You can't trust ice cream from the grocery store freezer case.  There's a very good chance that it's spoiled or melted and refrozen or past the expiration date.  So ice cream is always take-away from the 31-derful world.  Today, as I was dragging my groceries through the mall in my wheeled bag (What? You think I carry all that stuff home?), I ended up walking next to a pair of gentlemen in Arab dress.  The kind of gentlemen who usually ignore me and go about their business.  This time, however, we were both headed for the same place and ended up doing that polite dance of "oh, you first, no you."  This lead to a deeper conversation, or at least what counts as deep in such a transient country as this.  Where are you from, what do you do, etc.  The man talking to me was from Tunisia and had gone to school at the University of Arizona. 

Which makes us biter rivals, as I am an Arizona State Alumna

It also makes it easy to banter and spend a few minutes in conversation.  He insisted on paying for my ice cream, to help bridge the gap between Wildcats and Sun Devils.  So I sat and talked to him for a few minutes.  I did this because I felt kind of obligated because he had bought me something.  This is a problematic mindset, that a woman owes something to a man, and it might have gotten me into trouble on occasion.  It might have even got me in trouble on this occasion as well.  Sal is a consultant, and our conversation was about him wanting me to market myself well and get a job, so I could be independent and "fly on my own."  I've met this type before.  The older man who wants to mentor you and talks big.  I smile and nod, and don't believe a word of it.  It's just like one of those internet ads claiming you can make hundreds of dollars per hour.  But he gave me his card and told me to call at anytime, day or night.  

He said he would be the genie in the lamp for me.

He said he'd like to meet my husband, if only to ask for my hand.  I told him I wouldn't convert for him, and he said that it wasn't necessary.  When I left because my ice cream was melting, he kissed my hand. I believe his Emirati companion was shocked, although I don't know whether it was because I was so friendly (or brazen for talking to a strange man), or because his companion was so obviously flirting with a married woman.  Maybe both.  He didn't talk too much.

He also had adult braces.

I did make the mistake of giving Sal my number.  I hope he never calls.  There is no possible way he could actually get me a job here, nor do I think I'd really want one.  I think he only wants me to "fly on my own" so that I might fly into his arms.  I've encountered that before too:  men who mistake my friendliness for flirtation and think I'd be happy to be their paramour.  My husband is laid back, likes me to do my own thing, and doesn't get jealous when I talk to other men.  That does not mean I'm available.  But I will let you buy me ice cream.

My Reading Rainbow

All my life I've been an avid reader.  That's not an exaggeration.  Before I could read myself, I made my mother read to me for hours and hours.  Then I learned myself and books and I have never been parted since.  I now have one of those fancy book readers, a Nook, which fits perfectly in my purse and travels with me everywhere.  I think I may have spent more hours with my Nook than with my husband, but only because my Nook didn't have to move to Abu Dhabi for work nine months before I came over.

I also have the best in official Nook accessories.  Pictured:  Nook bookstand in Panda and waterproofing bag by Ziplock

My normal reading list usually consists of fantasy novels, and I have quite a collection, both of books made out of paper and ethereal ebooks.  Recently, I've gone through a phase of reading books about things that could have happened.  Many of these books are called "Historical Fiction" and have lengthy author's notes, either at the beginning or the end, regarding all the in-depth research they did to make their novel as accurate as possible.  Then there's the disclaimer that the events are fictional, thus rendering the lengthy description of the author's research moot.  Nevertheless, I still enjoy the stories, since I prefer fantasy, and sometimes there is something to learn.

The Stolen Crown is about the Duchess of Buckingham Catherine Woodville (though the author spells it Katherine and refers to her mainly as Kate) during the War of the Roses or something.  Very little is really known about the woman's real life, so the author took a few historical details and wrote a novel detailing her feelings about her marriage as a child, her husband becoming a traitor and eventually beheaded, and her possible adventures. 

What I learned from this book (and other historical fiction written about England):  History for children in Britain must be terribly hard.  Seriously, there only seem to be about a dozen names to choose from, everyone is related to everyone else, and there are like a thousand years of wars and monarchs to learn about.  Compared to that, American history is pretty damn straight-forward.  We came, we saw, we killed the indigenous people, then each other in the Civil War, then we got into global politics in World Wars I & II, and now we dominate everything, as is evidenced by the fact there is practically no where you can go on the planet without seeing a McDonald's.

Foreign franchises have improved on the menu.

Pope Joan is based on a medieval folk tale about a woman who poses as a man so she can become a scholar (only available in monasteries at the time) and then rises up to become Pope. 

There are actually some historical clues that support the possibility of a female Pope.  The most compelling being the genital test for Popes, which might or might not be urban legend.  The author's notes for this book actually have me convinced it's a possibility.

More historical proof!

Alias Grace takes the few details surrounding a famous murder in 19th Century Canada and expounds on them, telling the detailed story of the murderess, though never establishing her guilt or innocence.

It's by Margaret Atwood (of The Handmaid's Tale fame), and I wish there were more books like this.  There are tons of great stories of murders in the 19th century that should get the novel treatment, not just Jack the Ripper.  Ever heard of H. H. Holmes?  He owned a hotel in Chicago during the 1893 World's Fair, and many people checked in to his hotel, and very few ever checked out.  Those that did told horror stories of screaming and smoke and blood, and years later H. H. Holmes had a very public trial and couldn't even estimate how many people he had killed.  Call me morbid (because I am), but I would read the hell out of a novelization of his life.  I don't really want historical accuracy in my books, I want drama and entertainment.

But I like accuracy and fact in TV documentaries. I wish The History Channel still did that.

My vacation from fantasy novels is now over.  I guess it was just a summer fling, and I'm back to my usual fare.  What am I reading now?  A novel about Scottish witches who bent time and space to travel to a new planet populated by fairies and other mythical creatures...

Flying horses anyone?

...where magic is actually possible and war breaks out between the creatures of the land and sea.  I'm sure it's entirely historically accurate and well researched.  Or not.  It honestly doesn't matter to me.

Confession of a Scrunchie Addict

I once read on Jezebel (a liberal fashion blog that I read pretty regularly), that the only appropriate time to wear a scrunchie is if you are performing gymnastics in the Olympics.  To this I say:  Jezebel, you are wrong.  Maybe it shows how non-existent my fashion sense is, or maybe it just indicates I've never left 1997, either way, the scrunchie is my hair accessory of choice.  Nothing but those fabric-wrapped loops of elastic will tame my mane of hair, especially in the morning when I haven't done anything with it . Or even in the evening when I want that elegant up-do without a lot of fuss.  Oh heck, all the time.  I wear scrunchies all the time.  No other hair accessory in the world has been created that can single-handedly hold up all my hair.  There is no clip, no headband, no magic wand invented that is capable of allowing my hair to defy gravity and stay off my neck the way I want it to.  There is only the scrunchie.  In it's natural state, my hair is long, thick, and slightly wavy. 

Like so, only usually without the straw hat.

Not only is each strand thick, they grow thick on my head.  Which is great.  I love my hair.  I occasionally get it cut so that it has long layers that brush my shoulders with the rest a few inches longer, but mostly, I just like it to grow in unabashed abundance until it gets gnarly at the ends, and I get it trimmed.  Sometimes I don't even bother paying someone to do it, I just give my patient, slightly OCD husband a pair of shears and let him carefully cut a straight line.

My stylist. 

I guess that might explain my love of scruchies:  instant hair "style".  There is no fuss.  My neck is free and open to the air, as it prefers.  And I have had to do very little to get it so. 

A scrunchie and I enjoying a cool mountain stream.

The biggest problem:  finding one.  I own about a dozen scrunchies, but to cater to fashion, most of them are dark or neutral colors.  That means they blend in to the surroundings like a baby deer. 

Where's my scrunchie!!!

They generally congregate on my nightstand, because I do take my hair down when I go to sleep.  No, I don't do the Little House on the Prairie thing where I braid it at night to keep it neat.

Although, maybe I should.

Unfortunately, I always seem to want one when my husband is sleeping.  And when I need a scrunchie, I NEED a scrunchie.  I'm also clumsy.  So clumsy it could probably be considered a disability if only the government would realize that I need to be protected from myself before an uneven sidewalk causes me to lose a leg.  So I sneak in to the dark bedroom, try not to bump into the bed, avoid knocking over my ever-present water glass, and search for a scrunchie.  "What are you doing?" Dan sleepily mutters.  "Nothing, go back to sleep," I whisper as my hand closes around my goal:  a purple glittery monstrosity with lace appliques.  Now said  monstrosity is holding up my hair as I type this, and I love it.  I will use this scrunchie all day, no matter if it matches my outfit or not.  It may not be in vogue, but so what?  I love it. 

Maybe someday my cosmetologist sister will teach me how to blow dry my hair so it's easier to manage.  But I'm not holding my breath.  Even if she succeeds, my scrunchies and I will continue to defy fashion (and gravity), on a daily basis.

Breaking Bad Season 5 Part 1 Recap: Part 1, Episodes 1-4

Breaking Bad is the best drama on television right now.  I stand behind that statement even though I feel that the end of Season 4 was a perfectly natural and amazing ending and wasn't even sure I wanted to see a Season 5.  But AMC needs to milk the cash cow, so here we are, with a Season 5 that stretches over two years, and we are at the end of 2012's episodes.  At this point, I'd like to share with you some thoughts on these eight episodes.  Thar will be spoilers, so close your browser now or forever hold your peace.

And not the good kind of Forever

The first episode opens showing a Walt (with hair!) eating breakfast at a Denny's on his 52nd birthday.  There are two ways we can take this scene:  It's Walt's evil twin or Walt is on the run and OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?  Either way, it's your call.  Vince Gilligan has (allegedly) said he takes what fans are speculating and writes the opposite of that, so I'm just going to pretend it never happened.

Don't you wish you could do that with every trip to Denny's?

The rest of episode one is the tying up of loose ends.  Killing who needs to be killed, hiding the evidence of poisoned kids, and, oh yeah, taking a page from the Wile E. Coyote playbook and using a giant magnet in an ambulance to destroy damaging evidence...

"We'll hide it in an ambulance.  Nothing could go wrong."

...but also uncovering even more damaging evidence.  Everything in BB has consequences, yo.  But now Walt is setting up his own meth cooking enterprise, and since he's in charge, it's going to be all sunshine and roses like making drugs should be.

Bodies in barrels non-withstanding.

Episode two starts off with some German guy committing suicide via heart paddles rather than face a police interrogation.  The delibertate and careful way he goes about it reminded me of Gus, carefully and deliberately using the boxcutter in Season 4 Episode 1: Boxcutter.  Y'all know what happened there.

That.

Anyway, the most important thing to take away from this episode is that Mike is in like Flynn* with Walt's new and improved meth-making business because he needs money, even though he thinks Walt is heading for disaster.  Silly Mike.

Episode Three is a lesson in economics.  Walt and Jesse cook, Mike distributes, then sets up three piles of cash- their cuts.  Then, just like a father explaining how his lawn maintenance business works, he starts taking away from the piles for each expenditure.  The biggest expenditure:  keeping the people in prison quiet so they all don't go down. 

"Don't go buying a fancy sports car just yet, young man."

That's unexpected, so of course Walt throws a temper tantrum.  It's kind of what he does when he doesn't get his way.  That or use some kind of evil Sith mind trick to get what he wants, but that doesn't work on this guy:

"That doesn't work when my granddaughter does it, and I like her."

Episode Four: Walt's Super-Sweet 51st Birthday is about the bling.  He gets rid of the Pontiak Aztek that's been through so much with him...

And leases a couple of fancy sports cars: one for him and one to buy the love of his son Flynn (known for his penchant for eating breakfast).

Walt's the cool parent.  He's got cancer AND a Chrysler 300!

He also gets a sweet watch from the kid whose life he's totally ruined even though Jesse doesn't know it.

"No guilt, but you're seriously like my surrogate father, yo."

Oh, and his wife gets him a great present:  she tries to kill herself.  It's what every man dreams of, right? 

Happy Birthday Honey!

So Skyler doesn't die, much to the chagrin of the audience, who HATES the character.  I do too, even though I know that I would probably act the same way if my husband started cooking meth, putting the family in danger, and then didn't leave when I tried to divorce him.  She's actually pretty reasonable considering the circumstances.  But we still hate her.  Sorry, Skyler, the audience is Team Walt and you're Team Walt's Cancer.

Consider this item on my Christmas list

*After writing this I learned I use this phrase incorrectly, as it means "attained a desired goal" not "all the way in."  I do not intend to stop using it incorrectly however.

My Local News: True Grit Edition

I read a lot of internet, mostly for my own amusement.  I will glance at CNN's homepage every day or so, but mostly I read snarky blogs that link to the news and I watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, you know, so I'm informed, but not that informed.  I almost never watch TV news, even though half of my English language channels are news broadcasts (Fox, CNN International, Bloomberg, BBC News, and Al Jazeera).  When I do watch TV news, I usually choose Al Jazeera.  Al Jazeera is pretty depressing though, which makes me think they are actually covering important happenings.  There is no "Cute Puppy of the Day" or "Happy Birthday Octogenarians!" on Al Jazeera.  You will see graphic photos and video of beheadings or bomb-devastated cities, which is why I don't watch it very often.

Don't think about that.  Look at the baby pandas instead.

As for getting the local news, I usually catch the short news segments on the radio (so at least now I know metered parking spaces charge from 8am-Midnight), the good talk about town can be found on that local forum I don't post at anymore, and the local papers have websites.  Usually the stories covered by The National or Gulf News are as hard hitting as this one:

Abu Dhabi Hotels on track for guest target

or

Global woes stay abroad as UAE's economy powers on

Both of these stories seem to me to be, at the very least, exaggerations.  But hey, the UAE is just looking at the world through rose colored glasses, right?  You can find real information out there can't you?

You Shall Not Pass

Along with things that are illegal in the UAE (Skype, Atheism, pornography), anything that might be considered insulting to Islam or that the government just plain doesn't want you to see is blocked.

Wait, Sabrina, did you say Skype is illegal in the UAE? 

That's right, reader.  VOIP programs (i.e. phone calls over the internet) are illegal here.  So is using a VPN or proxy server in order to get around these blocks.  Not that the UAE will acknowledge that they are censoring anything. 

There's this little gem I just saw today (might be especially interesting for you, Sister):
Why are Fifty Shades of Grey sequels being pulled from UAE shelves?
The article, in case you don't care to read it, says that although the book hasn't been banned, the government hasn't given permission for it to be sold either.  The UAE is desperate to be seen by outsiders as a liberal country and wants people to come here and spend money, but they want to appear to their citizens that they are still an Islamic Republic that does not condone such things are naughty books.

Also banned

That was a bit of a tangent from what I originally intended to write (please forgive me, someone seems to have stabbed an ice pick into my eye).  The local new websites seem to have taken a dark turn.  No longer is the front page filled with stories about happy children going back to newly built schools, athletes who are making the country proud, or hard-hitting stories about new recycling initiatives.  Now we're getting some gritty stuff.  Stuff I wouldn't expect to even be acknowledged by the official media, especially after the website was shut down for a couple weeks following an expose on female genital mutilation in the UAE they published almost two years ago. 

Only one in 10 sex attacks against women in UAE reported to police
This information does not surprise me a bit.  That this information is published?  That's pretty surprising.  The article doesn't urge more women to come forward, however.  That would be a little unfair, considering a woman who has been raped has committed a crime herself (adultery or fornication outside of marriage) and would most likely face jail herself.  My personal plan if I get sexually assaulted:  Get to the airport and get out of here as fast as I can. 

Bad blood from prison days blamed for UAE gang's attack on two men
I knew that prison conditions here must be unimaginably horrible, I did not know that the UAE had gangs.  I have trouble even envisioning a local gang. 

I'm sure it doesn't look like this.

Hunt for killer after woman found stabbed in abandoned car in UAE
Wow.  There are dozens of abandoned cars around here.  I wonder if they all have bodies in the trunk.

Or the car just gets so dirty, people give up cleaning it, and buy a new one.

Feel free to peruse the rest of the news at your leisure, or don't.  Just know that it's darker and scarier than it was a month ago. 

And for my grandma: A link to the real estate ads.  Just divide the price by 4 to get a general idea of what it costs for a place here per year.  This search is for places similar to what Dan and I have.