A Halloween Fairy Tale or How Cookie Spent Saturday Night

Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful princess named Cookie lived in a tidy little cottage with a huge backyard in a suburban neighborhood.

Kinda like the neighborhood from the TV show Weeds, but older

Cookie was a happy, friendly little dog. Didn't bite, hardly barked, and loved nothing more than to lean her head against a human's legs while being scratched behind the ears.

One day, after thinking long and hard about it, Cookie's parents decided to try leaving her alone overnight so they could go to a Halloween party in another kingdom. They fed her a nice dinner, left her a large bully stick, and merrily went on their way, hopeful that if she got into any trouble, the worst they'd have to do is reupholster the couch.

And I love my couch. Probably to an unreasonable degree.

The next morning, Cookie's parents arrived home, much more bedraggled and tired than expected, to find a note on the door from a kind neighbor lady.

Cookie had gotten so lonely in that tidy cottage that she tried to escape! She tried digging under the fence, but to no avail, as the wise Wolf had put down chicken wire.

Then she tried to squeeze through the bars of the fence…

Visual Approximation: Cookie is not a horse

….and got stuck. Firmly, fastly, undeniably stuck. Right behind her forelegs.

After a couple hours, the sun came up, and the kindly neighbor saw Cookie's plight.
"Oh no! What to do?" she thought. She tried the side gate, but she was too short to reach the latch. So she called for help from the local fire department, and cooed calmingly to Cookie while they waited. 

When the firemen arrived, Cookie was excited! She wagged her tail and would have jump for joy (but she couldn't, being stuck in a fence). The strongest of the firefighter's pulled apart the bars and Cookie was free! She happily greeted her saviors, then promptly ran inside to get a much needed drink and stayed there.

When Cookie's mom and dad got home and saw the note, they were very worried! Cookie could have been taken away! But when they opened the door, there she was, wagging her tail, albeit a bit slowly, and with a noticeable crease in her body!

Cookie's mom was so worried that she called the vet immediately, and asked if she could bring her right in. Cookie loved riding in the car and got very excited when her leash was put on. She even loved going to the vet!

And getting her teeth brushed.  My dog is weird.

At the vet, she got an exam and some x-rays, and it showed she had no internal damage or broken bones, only muscular trauma.  So she was given some medicine to help with the pain and sent on her way.

Now she is peacefully sleeping wherever she happens to be when her pain meeds kick in, and should fully recover, perhaps with a small crease on her side to remind her of her botched escape.

The once and future position. Background may vary.

Cookie's parents were left with a problem, though: Who would care for her for the two nights they would be gone at Thanksgiving?

After all, any more creases and she'd be doggy origami.

The answer is simple, and a little silly: Cookie will be going to Pete and Mac's Pet Spaw. She'll have a private room, oops, I mean cabana, a daily peanut butter treat, ice cream, six hours of playtime, and a pre-check-out bath.

So I guess unlike most fairy tales, this has a happier moral: if you get stuck in a fence you'll get to go to the spa.

And the firefighters will come and visit you. Some puppy is getting a calendar for Xmas.

Are you in my head?

I've recently discovered the wonders of Pandora.

Pandora Radio.  It's an app for playing music, and they have basically EVERYTHING.  I run it mostly through Dan's SmartTV so I get the benefit of the surround sound (probably not to the benefit of the neighbors) and the remote control.  I usually put it on when I'm writing or cooking or any of the various activities I do that require some concentration.  Not crochet, that I do while watching old movies I've recorded.

Probably why I mess up so much

I would have a lot of stations, because I'm pretty impatient and just like to plug in the song I've got in my head at the moment, but then I start up Pandora and it's on my Dean Martin station playing something I want to listen to.  Also, sometimes you start a station from a particular song, and then they don't play that song!

Seriously, this app is almost like magic.  I do have a couple of bones to pick with it though.

First: Stop spying on me or whatever you do.  You were playing some Les Mis nonsense AGAIN and wouldn't let me fast-forward through it.  So I was singing "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face" from My Fair Lady. 

Then, next song, BOOM, I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face.  Not cool.  Get out of my head, Pandora.  It freaks me out.

Second:  Your ads are terrible. I don't really mind ads in free stuff. They're here, they're lame, and they're all the same. Except the ones that are both louder and feature a song completely out of the range of music my channel plays.

Third:  This relates to a detail in the first bone, I do not want to hear any more Les Mis nonsense. I know it's popular, I know most people like it, but when I want a show tune I do not want something from a stupid operetta that's at least an hour longer than it needs to be with completely forgettable music. It goes completely against the old adage about musicals: "When you can no longer speak, sing. When you can no longer sing, dance." Les Mis just goes off the rails, says screw it, and sings the whole damn time, erradicating any emotional highs or lows usually punctuated in musicals by (surprise!) music.

Here is a very short list of popular musicals that I have not heard from on Pandora:
Show Boat

Kiss Me Kate

Calamity Jane

(Side note: Not enough Doris Day no matter how much I thumbs up the few songs you do play)
(Second Side note: This song won a freaking Oscar!)

Gentleman Prefer Blondes

 (c'mon, this had Marilyn Monroe in it!)

The King and I

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

 Or as Dan likes to call it: Seven Brides with Seven Cases of Stockholm Syndrome.

Those are my bones, hopefully adequately picked.  Otherwise, Pandora: Please carry on.  I might even contemplate paying for the ad-free version, if the app on my TV is upgraded to allow me to add variety to a station.  Seriously, I shouldn't have to  log-on to Pandora on my phone just to tell Pandora I would like to hear Babs singing the standards along with Frankie, Sammy, and Dean-o.

A few notes on this particular post. One: I didn't watch all the videos all the way through, so I apologize for any quality or viewing problems. Two: I'm trying and only partially succeeding in changing from a double-space after a period to a single space. Blogger sometimes corrects this for me, so please forgive any strange spacing.

Hot Pockets: Beauty should be for yourself

So tonight I waxed my lip. It's the only part of my body I do wax, because it's the only convenient place I can do myself that actually works. I pretty much suck at all things beauty-related, and I'm kinda falling off the body-hair-removal bandwagon (that's a thing right? I m sure it's a thing. Moving on). Now that it's winter, or at least getting there, I'll probably stop shaving my legs until I can feel the wind blowing through it, with the exception of our cruise to the Caribbean. It's gonna be cold, you'll need that hair! Anyway, tonight I waxed my lip, and I only do it for myself, which is good, because here how a typical post-wax conversation goes with my husband:

Dan: You have something on your lip.

Me: No way, I just waxed it. I was starting to look like an Italian fishwife.

Dan: It's all red and shiny.

Me: That's the stuff you put on afterwards to get rid of the wax and soothe the skin.

Dan: I didn't even notice the hair.

So ladies, if you're subjecting yourself to an uncomfortable beauty regimen for any reason that it makes you feel better: stop. It's football season, hunting season, and there's a new Grand Theft Auto. You should also be working on your Halloween costume. Don't be a sexy hamburger. 

My tongue is sure enjoying this smooth upper-lip though.