Let's Make a Deal!

If you're like me, you have been enticed by the internet coupon phenomenon.  Most normal people have since unsubscribed from Groupon/Livingsocial
/UnbelievablyCheapStuff.com, but not me!  Sometimes the ones for Abu Dhabi are actually pretty good and I buy them.  I mostly buy coupons for mani/pedis, because the first time you go to a salon you always get good service.  That's my theory anyway, and since Abu Dhabi is saturated with nail salons, and I don't go very often, it continues to work in my favor.  There are also some good deals on food for restaurants I'd like to try, and I buy those and go to those places.  It gets Dan and I out of the house and to some new places.

Otherwise we'd just eat at Fuddruckers all the time.

The majority of these internet deals are for things I don't buy because I'm just not interested. 

I already know how to fly a kite, thanks.

 Or I don't understand.

Do you do yoga on the yacht?  And why is it so cheap?  Does the whole "experience" last about 15 minutes? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!

Then there are the ones that are so terrible and incomprehensible, I would never, ever consider buying them.  For instance, here's a whole bunch of internet deals for medical services:

This Lasik deal is only good for one eye.  That's right.  Personally, I wouldn't trust anyone with a laser near my eye whose main attraction was "Wow, that's cheap!"

No refunds, exchanges, and definitely no guarantees

Same goes for someone messing around with my spine.

Even though this place is right by my apartment!

Or my teeth.  I'm very persnickety about my teeth, I brush twice a day, floss once a day, use two types of mouthwash (one in the morning, one at night).  Why in the world would I go get a half-price crown from a dentist I've never heard of? 

"But you could get six at once ma'am!"

This one is just trying to convince EVERYONE they need allergy testing.  And why not?  It's only about $85. 

A great gift for that hypochondriac in your life!

When I got this one I laughed, because it's a restaurant I know about solely because my sister, in the course of a job, picked up a batch of spinach with a rat in it.

That's why stuffed grape leaves are so sour.

Sometimes, the deal is for an item rather than a service.  Usually it's an As-Seen-On-TV type item, but sometimes it's for a huge box full of condoms and lubricant.

Send me a dozen. 

And there are a lot of "deals" on trips.  Hotel discounts (which aren't really discounts), flight vouchers with so many restrictions you could probably use it only in a month with two full moons as long as that month doesn't end in Y.  Here's a trip deal that's unusual for a couple of reasons.  First, it's a full-service package, flight, accommodation, meals, etc. 

Preorder for next Ramadan!

You can't see all the fine print, so you probably didn't catch it:  There is nothing that says you have to be Muslim to redeem this voucher.  Sure, you could buy it, plan your trip to Saudi Arabia, but when you applied for a visa into the country, you'd be denied.  Unless you were Muslim.  You also wouldn't be allowed into the mosque at all.  Of course, who would want to visit Mecca during the holiday season.  Have you seen those crowds? 

I just had a mini-panic attack

Some of you may be asking, do you have an example of a coupon you would buy?  Sure.  I have in my possession right now two vouchers, each good for 200 dirhams worth of food at a fancy steakhouse that cost me 100 dirhams each.  That means a half price steak dinner.  I may have to redeem those now, as just typing the word "steak" is making me salivate a bit.

This.  I would also buy this.  Because it's huge and shiny and made of diamonds.

Bling!

Deep in the Heart of Texas: Fish on!

I love Jeremy Wade of River Monsters in a way I will never love you, readers.  That is, as a TV personality.

If you are a TV personality reading this blog, let me know so that I can both apologize and brag about it.

Joel, if you're out there, drop me a line (Yes, that's a fishing pun)

 So, it was with great pleasure I got to join the bromance open water fishing trip for my birthday.  Thanks Granny and Cathy for setting it up and making it possible.

Those not familiar with the concept, fishing is man's work.  That's right, I said it.

So is mopping.  Mopping is man's work.

So it was a special occasion (my birthday) that I got invited to go.  It also helps that I'm kind of a bro myself.  I don't mind getting dirty, drinking beer, and off-color jokes don't offend me.  I am perfectly capable of making jokes, both at the expense of myself and sometimes my gender (I know, how unfeminist of me), but it goes over well with the target audience on this trip: old white guys.

Uncles Jim and Danny, humoring me by posing

It was a chartered, guided fishing trip on a 27 foot boat off of Galveston Island in the Gulf of Mexico.  If you don't know where that is, here's a completely unhelpful Google Maps link.

Captain Shannon was the most tanned person I've ever seen.

That includes George Hamilton

I guess that comes from spending day after day ferrying tourists out into the gulf and baiting their hooks for them.  You could tell he seemed a bit burned out on giving tours by the way he spent the first half of the trip going through the motions of his job while planning a family vacation on his iPhone.  I would have thought you couldn't get cell service out on the open water, but hey, I still think that Wi-fi is voodoo magic, so what do I know?

Can you hear me now?

It was an enjoyable afternoon of fishing with my Uncle Danny, Uncle Jim, and Dad.  I didn't interfere with the natural fishing traditions (drinking beer and talking about your woman problems at all).  I saw porpoises in the wild for the first time.  Unfortunately, I'm not a skilled enough photographer to have captured it on film, but it was amazing.  I did get this photo however:

Bam!

That's right, I caught a shark.  Here's me reeling that 40 pound monster in, with a little help from my dad.

Because that's what Dad's are for.

The most exciting moment actually came when we hooked something unexpected:  a tarpon.  We knew it was something special because the captain jumped up and started yelling.  He called it "a fish of a lifetime."  It looks just like the movies.  The fish gets hooked and starts breaching the water in its struggles to free itself.  As it gets reeled in more and more you see it breech the water closer and closer...and it was Dad's turn to reel it in.

He got that fish all the way to the boat. 

Objects in photo are larger than they appear.

He caught a 175 pound tarpon (and then called all his friends, please kindly refer to him as Tarpon Tim henceforth).  It would have been nice to pull it up on deck and take some awesome photos with it, but if we had gaffed it and pulled it up on deck, it probably would have died, and you don't eat a tarpon (too many small bones), so we let it resume its struggles with time and tide (and the current tarpon fishing tournament).  The only fish we kept was the shark that I caught my second time on rotation.  A nice medium sized shark, perfect for eating.  Captain Shannon cut it up into steaks for us and we took it home and ate it. 

Not Pictured:  Family togetherness

Well, not that night.  The after-fishing spot for dinner is Twin Peaks, a breastaraunt with beer served at 28 degrees Fahrenheit.  So we went there.  The food was excellent, but like all breastaurants (Hooters, Bikinis, Tilted Kilt, etc.), the service is less than mediocre (our waitress was a Bambi-in-Training).  But we toasted the fish, the boat, the captain, and had an all around good time.

And I caught a shark.   Don't call it a freaking fish Dan...

"I resent that."

What Dreams May Come

I am a very vivid dreamer.  I dream crazy, inexplicable things almost every night (I can't remember the last night I didn't have a dream I remembered, at least upon waking).  Usually, these dreams have little or no relevance to the real world and very rarely can I connect what happens in dreams with things that have happened in the real world.  One dream that made a particularly strong impression on me years ago had me running away through a series of attics from an android John Malkovich, while hundreds of small fish swam through the air.  To this day, I have an unnatural fear of fish swimming in the air. 

Terrifying

Perhaps dreaming is so important to me because I am almost completely incapable of visualization while I'm awake.  This is probably why I never did read the Lord of the Rings novels; there is so much description there that my brain just process and so I found the pages and pages of adjectives boring. 

Other people helpfully brought it to life for me.

My spacial thinking skills are pathetic.  So while I'm asleep, my brain runs wild, and goes places I can't even explain most of the time, so a recent dream I had surprised me, because I was able to figure out what in my waking life had inspired every part of the dream. 

*****

I began to describe the dream here, and all the waking connections, and I started to get uncomfortable.  Even though I am usually perfectly comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts with just about anyone, my dream life is going to remain mostly private.  Sorry to disappoint you all.  In fact, the only reason I'm posting this at all is because I promised myself I'd write one blog entry a week, and I'd spent considerable time on this already.  I'll try to do better next time.  Have some cute otters as a consolation.

Who could be disappointed after seeing this?

Deep in the Heart of Texas: Part 2

 The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to see my new nephew.  Of course, I knew that seeing him came along with some great bonus prizes, like the other members of my family happily catering to my every whim.  Since my whim now is to recount the events of that birthday weekend, I shall do so, and you shall indulge me, readers, because I said so. 

The morning of my birthday began as usual:  with me waking up too early to care about anything going on because I wasn't used to the time difference (Abu Dhabi is 11 hours ahead of Houston).  Since it was my birthday, I promptly decided to go back to bed and take a nap instead of going to breakfast as previously planned.  Enter the sister guilt trip:  "Shane was really looking forward to breakfast, he'll be disappointed if we don't go." 

He's a big guy, you don't want to disappoint him.

So I was a good sport, put on a real shirt and a bra (but I didn't put on real pants, pajama bottoms are appropriate attire for IHOP), and went to IHOP.  Shane was not there, but Granny, Cathy, Helen, and Jim were!  All sitting at a large table complete with a high chair for the baby.  While I was still getting over the surprise and pleasure of seeing them out from behind a partition walks my dad!  I was so surprised, even though he had talked about coming out for the big day, because generally no one in our family can keep their mouths shut.

Technology helps. None of us really knows how to whisper.

I am unashamed to say that I have always been a daddy's girl and couldn't have been more pleased that he came to see me.

He did forget to bring me some See's chocolates, though.

A big family breakfast with hearty conversation, then on to the next important event:  Naptime.

Best Auntie Ever, 8 years running

Dinner was a typical Pudlewski gathering.  Through a devious method of sending a houseguest (who would not be invited to the party) into Kroger to buy the maximum amount of steak each time, my Granny procured enough T-bones for all and then some, along with the asparagus I requested, despite it's high cost.   We ate, we talked, we drank (a lot), we swam, we had cake.  My aunt and uncle drove in from Pearland for the night.  My one regret is that my sister made me leave at some point, but I suppose I can forgive her since I don't even recall what time it was, nor how many hard apple ciders I had imbibed.

On paper it might not sound very exciting, but it was exactly what I wanted.  I wouldn't change a thing.  And, because it was my birthday I was allowed to go on the big fishing trip with the boys, but that my children, is a tale for another time.

Now please to enjoy a gratuitous set of photos of me and my family:  

OK, not too gratuitous.  We don't take a lot of photos because we're having so much fun we just don't think about it.

Deep in the Heart of Texas: Part 1

July 20 marked two important occasions:  the 43rd anniversary of man landing on the moon, and my birthday.  I'm going to write extensively on the more important accomplishment:  my living to be 30 and my celebratory trip.

Sure, this is impressive, but it has nothing to do with me.

First, a tribute to the man who made it all possible, my wonderful husband Dan.  He thought I wanted an iPad for my birthday, but given the choice, I asked for a trip to visit my new nephew, and he obliged.  Not only was it an expensive plane ticket, he knew that I would have a better time celebrating this milestone with my family even if he couldn't be there. 

Artist's Rendering

It had been a year and a half since I'd seen my sister.  She'd gotten knocked-up AND had the baby, all without me being there.  It was very inconsiderate of her.  Good thing the kid is cute and at that perfect age where he's doing tricks and smiling, but he can't locomote yet, so there's no chance of losing him.

Grandma loves towel heads!

(Elizabeth, remind me to tell you about the time I babysat you at the same age while your poor father tried to work from home).

My mom, sister, nephews, and I took a 3-day trip to San Antonio. 

We went to the Natural Bridge Caverns.  It's a very accessible cave with many interesting formations.  That means it's very busy and you must go down with a tour guide instead of exploring by yourself.  My sister carried the baby all the way in the baby carrier;  I was very impressed.

Shaeleb, not so much.

Shaedon (who is eight), made the mistake of telling my mother she was too old to go zip-lining.  So we went zip-lining.

Who's too old?

Shaedon didn't believe that killer whales could do tricks like he saw on TV, so he was really excited to see Shamu.  As a theme park veteran, I know that it's a tactical error to go to the first or last Shamu show, so even though we had talked up Shamu and killer whales, I made the poor boy wait until 4:30pm to see Shamu.  He was sufficiently impressed, although I was not, because the trainers didn't get into the water with the whales at all.  Stay tuned for a further post on that.  Shaedon got to feed the dolphins and the sea lions; we were so proud of him, since he claimed to be scared of fish, but he picked up those slimy sardines and tossed them right into their mouths.

"Just give me the fish, kid!"

 
We only lost him one time, and that was our fault. Pro-tip:  don't just let the kiddies run right into the water playground unless you have someone prepared to go after him.

...and a good time was had by all.

On the mandatory trip to the Alamo (one of America's most important and boring landmarks), we also did a Mirror Maze and secret agent laser tunnel, both of which were a lot of fun.

Yup, there is is, now we can do something fun.

Like this.

We ate at a famous tourist trap Mexican restaurant, where we learned that Shaeleb's room should have been decorated in a Mexican Christmas theme instead of a monkey theme.

I couldn't take my eyes off the decor either.

On the way back, we stopped at Buc-ee's.  Buc-ee's is a truck stop like no other.  They have a mascot, a million kinds of snacks, 12 flavors of Icee, and trademark apparel.  I even saw a girl wearing a Buc-ee's t-shirt at a mall 100 miles away!  I hope that they build many many more of these amazing oases, so I can stop at them when I eventually have to resume getting to Houston on the most boring section of Interstate 10 rather than on an international airline which will bring me all the vodka tonics my little heart's (and little bladder's) desire.

Well, this is getting a little long, so here I will break it off.  What did Sabrina do on her actual birthday?  Did she get the pony she's always asking for??  What kind of cake did she have???

Find out next time, readers.  Same Bat-time, Same Bat-Channel.