Every family has their crazy stories, and I believe that mine has a few more than most. My Granny was a trick pony-rider in the circus. My dad had a pet shark as a kid. I caught a shark, and then we ate it. I that shark was a descendant of my dad's pet. The first thing my sister did when she could crawl was pull my hair (something that set the tone for our entire childhood relationship). Once my dad and Gramps decided to make chicken salad in a kitchen with counters too small to hold the food processor, so they brought in a ladder for extra space.
Here is the tale of how Shawna ended up in the lake and everyone got sick except her:
Months ago, being a manly man, my brother-in-law decided he couldn't be seen driving a VW Beetle and traded it in for a 1990-ish Mustang. The nicest thing to be said about said Mustang is that it's a "project car". It will never ever ever be getting back together with Taylor Swift…I mean, it'll never be completely fixed. Never ever. Did I mention I'm still fighting the flu I got on vacation? Moving on.
Shane is always working on that stupid car. Always going to the auto parts store, always greasy, always frustrated.
On this particular Wednesday he had rented an expensive tool to put some rubber thing back on some metal thing or some such automobile nonsense. My dad, an expert in fixing lemons having worked extensively on my Chrysler LeBaron, was out on the dock fishing and spending time with his grandson, also conveniently avoiding having to get his hands dirty. Shane, knowing how full of wisdom my dad is, went out to the dock with his expensive tool to ask him a question about it. We all know where this is going, don't we?
Dad fiddled around with the tool, and PLUNK, off came a piece and fell, not onto the dock, but through the dock, into the lake below. What happens then? Every possible idea is thrown out.
Shawna: Do you remember that net we had at the beach house?
Dad: That would be perfect, does she still have it?
<Shawna calls Cathy who says she will find and bring over the net>
Shane: You know what we need, a big magnet. That piece costs $127.
Shawna: $127!!!! I'm going in to get that damn thing myself.
Dad: You know that water is freezing and filled with deadly bacteria. It's practically a cesspool.
Shawna: What's a cesspool? <SPLASH>
So Shane is gone to get a magnet, Cathy is on her way with a net, Shawna is in the lake feeling around with her toes in the freezing mud, and Dan and Shaedon head off into the sunset to fish somewhere with less commotion.
Cathy pulls up with the net, looking particularly frazzled (she was interrupted getting her house ready to host Thanksgiving dinner) and with her little dogs too, at the exact moment that Shawna uses her toes to pull up the part out of the muck. The huddled masses (Me and the baby), give her a cheer, then she runs into the bathroom to wash off whatever deadly spores might have been living in that water. Her clothing was destroyed.
And I'm the one that's still sick. So I guess the moral of the story is that holding a baby is more dangerous than jumping in a lake.
The End
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| Editor's Note: Not all details are historically accurate |
Here is the tale of how Shawna ended up in the lake and everyone got sick except her:
Months ago, being a manly man, my brother-in-law decided he couldn't be seen driving a VW Beetle and traded it in for a 1990-ish Mustang. The nicest thing to be said about said Mustang is that it's a "project car". It will never ever ever be getting back together with Taylor Swift…I mean, it'll never be completely fixed. Never ever. Did I mention I'm still fighting the flu I got on vacation? Moving on.
Shane is always working on that stupid car. Always going to the auto parts store, always greasy, always frustrated.
 |
| Not Pictured: Shane's Mustang |
On this particular Wednesday he had rented an expensive tool to put some rubber thing back on some metal thing or some such automobile nonsense. My dad, an expert in fixing lemons having worked extensively on my Chrysler LeBaron, was out on the dock fishing and spending time with his grandson, also conveniently avoiding having to get his hands dirty. Shane, knowing how full of wisdom my dad is, went out to the dock with his expensive tool to ask him a question about it. We all know where this is going, don't we?
Dad fiddled around with the tool, and PLUNK, off came a piece and fell, not onto the dock, but through the dock, into the lake below. What happens then? Every possible idea is thrown out.
Shawna: Do you remember that net we had at the beach house?
Dad: That would be perfect, does she still have it?
<Shawna calls Cathy who says she will find and bring over the net>
Shane: You know what we need, a big magnet. That piece costs $127.
Shawna: $127!!!! I'm going in to get that damn thing myself.
Dad: You know that water is freezing and filled with deadly bacteria. It's practically a cesspool.
Shawna: What's a cesspool? <SPLASH>
 |
| "The water's fine" |
So Shane is gone to get a magnet, Cathy is on her way with a net, Shawna is in the lake feeling around with her toes in the freezing mud, and Dan and Shaedon head off into the sunset to fish somewhere with less commotion.
 |
| "My mom is crazy, Uncle Dan." |
Cathy pulls up with the net, looking particularly frazzled (she was interrupted getting her house ready to host Thanksgiving dinner) and with her little dogs too, at the exact moment that Shawna uses her toes to pull up the part out of the muck. The huddled masses (Me and the baby), give her a cheer, then she runs into the bathroom to wash off whatever deadly spores might have been living in that water. Her clothing was destroyed.
And I'm the one that's still sick. So I guess the moral of the story is that holding a baby is more dangerous than jumping in a lake.
 |
| The baby was confiscated as a biological hazard when going through security |
The End
