Beauty and the Beast: The Grand Mosque

Last week my in-laws, Bruce and Karen were in town and so we went to all the obligatory tourist places and Bruce fed me like he was getting me ready for slaughter (another week and I'd be ready for the Easter feast Bruce!).  My blog posts on the week are going to be out of order because I've decided to start with the Sheik Zayed Grand Mosque, as I need to get it off my chest before I can write about the good parts of the trip.

The Grand Mosque is one of the few landmarks in Abu Dhabi.  It's considered a "must-see" for tourists.  I had never been before and never intend to go again.  Don't get me wrong: there is beauty there.  No detail (or money) was spared in the making of this place.

Object in photo is larger than it appears

The chandelier has 375 gazillion* Swarovski crystals in it.  It's the Chandelier-iest chandelier in the world.  I think when they built it they just asked for every crystal ever and then handed over an oil pipeline.

*Number is approximate

The carpet is the largest hand-knotted carpet in the world.  It was made entirely by women in Iran and took two cargo planes to bring it to the UAE.   It's the carpet-iest carpet in the world (ask Guiness, the world record people, not the beer, I'm not making ALL of this up).

OMG, women can do stuff other than having babies?

There are hundreds of columns, inlaid with patterns of vines and flowers and made of mother of pearl (a soft material) and marble (a hard material).   The contrast of the materials is supposed to be meaningful.

It's a metaphor in stone.  That's probably deep.

There are seven clocks around the mosque showing the five times for prayer as well as the time of the sunrise.  You're supposed to pray and have breakfast before sunrise.  Perhaps that's why brunch is so popular.  I will have to contemplate that brunch thing.

If I were Muslim, I wouldn't even bother going it bed, I'd just stay up for that first prayer.

So there is beauty there.  It's a pretty place.  Here's the ugly:  No matter how conservatively you are dressed, as a woman, you will be covered from head to toe in a scarf and robe.  

Karen and I wishing we were somewhere else

Tourists are invited in, admission is free, tours are free, but they don't have the courtesy to have enough headscarves to go around.  I was elbowed by a woman when I was trying to ask where the toilet was because she thought I was queque jumping (cutting in line) for a head scarf.  You can't even get to the bathroom without one.  I would have taken a photo of the clusterfuck that is the women trying to get "decent" to go inside, but I was too busy trying not to cry.  It was humiliating.  My body is so offensive in a polo, long loose jacket, and corduroy pants that I must be covered, lest some man see me and be distracted from his pure thoughts.  Apologists will say that covering is a choice.  It is not.  It is forced on you if you if you wish a husband or familial approval.  30% of the Emirati women have had clitoridectomies, and older women still say they would not allow their sons to marry an uncircumcised woman.  That is not a choice.  I could go on, but I won't.  The Grand Mosque is a monument to that harm, and no matter how beautiful it may be, if I have to wear head to toe black (with security guards constantly reminding me my hair isn't covered) but the men can walk around in tank tops and beach shorts, forget that place.

A security guard was waiting to tell me to cover up again as soon as I moved

Tourists may enjoy it.  They must not think about it much.  They see the beauty, they expect the lines, they go and see the smiling tour guides and enjoy it.  I never will. 

Dan, carrying our shoes and getting to wear whatever the hell he wants

Sorry Chelsea, if you want to see the Grand Mosque, I'll have to put you in a cab.  Don't worry, they'll know where it is.

At least we both got in trouble here.  Protip: Don't sit on anything that looks like a bench